.....you never know....

my last post was a touch different....in one it was a flash of prose, my very own haiku but ignoring the rules .....it was from the heart and written in one tappity tap of the keyboard without editing, polish, refinement or spell grammar correctness checking.....

i am not even sure that anyone reads these, and as I wanted to find out what others thought of it, i posted it out to a group of people on my facebook list.....people that knew me a little or a lot, or who had been around in the time ......i didn't get many replies, but facebook is like that, transitory, slim of mind, short on body with most enjoying the friviality and daftness of the apps....give your friend a pie a drink a flower find out what kind of fish dog pirate you are.....like a colourful musical with 30 second songs or a book of gary larson cartoons or anyones really...dip in..dip out....wave hello *smiley* and tell us all what you're having for dinner......

...the replies i did get made me think smile and think some more....told me something of the person who wrote back, and made me happy that I know such diverse minds amongst the people on my list of facebook friends....

im no philosopher, had no years in the wilderness up a tree, tucked away in a monastery or even attended classes ....."How do you know who you are? Or why you are? For millennia, philosophy has explored these issues to provide real answers that work today.....Our course of ten evening (or Saturday morning) sessions over ten weeks in timeless, practical philosophy provides...."

from a northern line platform poster near you

but i do think as most folks do i believe....not too deep, or you can fall in and find it hard to get out, nor too shallow unless its with a drink a smoke and all that ....jazz

A few weeks ago I went to see my doctor. She's great, honestly listens and tries to help as best she can. I had something bothering me, a blemish an ulcer or some sore point on my tongue and this was no 'aggh bit me tongue and i've got a lump' but scary looking...and scarr-y too, ringed in white, deep deep red within like a giant polo mint on a sunburnt arm. 'tut tut' she says, take this prescription, but buy it cos its cheaper, cream a couple of times a day be right as rain....if not ...come back and see me'

a week and a half later

On my second tube of this gunk, though it says use for no more than 5 days and no change, if anything its got more rigid, more scarr-y ....back to the docs.....reassuring but just incase, rush appointment for an oral surgeon in UCH.

Now, I didn't know of this but your GP can rush an appointment within 10 days to a week for seriously urgent stuff....and my GP was thinking ....just in case, as I said.

Of course, what we're talking about here is cancer, the magic C...and I tell you, NHS direct are good at giving you a scare, google and you'll find lots of excellent images...hmm, does it look like that? Mines bigger smaller a lighter shade of red....but worry warts from the net is one thing, when your doc is 'hmm...yes, just in case...im sure its nothing'.....strewth

My appointment even got moved up a day, and so its just a few weeks I have thinking....shall I worry? I mean, put my 'affairs in order' .....I felt like a bad sitcom character whose overheard the doctor talking about putting down the 'old fella' ...the old fella being a charming ancient sheepdog or collie.....

I'll admit it, I was actually scared at times, almost trying to psych myself up....I've had health scares before but nothing so 'real' 3D pixar animated as this one....Denise was also worried, of course and I found that hard as well, hating to see her distressed, so often made light of the whole thing....'lordy, how embarrassed am I going to be when he finds its just a touch of ....' etc....

So, to my last blog post, this may give you some background to the brief simple picture what was going on in my head, though I've actually been thinking of this since my brother died - which also resulted in one of my most personal and serious posts ever...seriously....look it up, its there somewhere in the list on the right....

lifes too short....how many times do you hear it? its great! shake you up, get on with living, loving cos you can't waste a day minute hour....better get to living before you get to dying if I can vaguely paraphrase someone .....dolly parton I think.

Ive had my 1st appointment, saw the head/neck/face doc (he really was called that) and the official opinion is that its probably nothing to really worry about but theres the matter of this broken tooth just there, which is preventing the tongue thing to heal up and go away.....

within the hour
Eastmans Dental Hospital
all arranged over the phone 'just tell them your name, they are expecting you'

in half an hour im sitting in the chair and tug! one less tooth in my mouth....heck of a lot of injections to stop any pain as well....

and now its a waiting game....is the giant polo going to go on its way? am i harbouring an evil brood just waiting to burst into life out of my gob ...think "aliens"....well, time and all that will let me know in due course....erk....not so scared now, but im not forgetting, this time a molar, next time it could be something serious....fingers crossed its not that now already

im typing this as i smell the food denise is cooking....and im thinking 'just pop round to the offie for some cans'

a nice cold beer
some lovely grub


first i'll finish this blog though

one thing i do know more.....i don't give a damn so much
and i know what i believe in and its too bad its not normal or all in good moderation
who else can i be?